


of mornings and vegas weddings

by Hugabug



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Buzzfeed: The Try Guys
Genre: Domestic, Established Relationship, Multi, i am so weak for domestic!zagene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 14:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12866655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hugabug/pseuds/Hugabug
Summary: "You know, out of the both of us I thought I was going to be the one with the Las Vegas wedding."





	of mornings and vegas weddings

“You know,” he says, entering their kitchen. “Out of the both of us, I thought I was going to be the one with the Las Vegas wedding.”

Eugene gags on his cereal, the milk trickling down the side of his mouth as Zach silently giggles. His phone is pressed to his ear, currently, the man on the other side of the line panicking like crazy, and Eugene makes a gesture that begs Zach to put it on loud speaker. Zach does, and Ryan’s voice crackles to life.

“– _drunkard. No offense, but if I pushed alcohol anywhere near Eugene, he’d guzzle it down until his liver dies_.”

Eugene throws the phone an offended glare. Zach shrugs. “Where is the lie, really?”

A wet cheerio hits Zach’s face in retaliation and falls to the floor. The dogs make a beeline for it, and Bowie, being slightly larger, gets to it first. On the counter, their little black kitten, Karim, opens one green eye lazily. Eugene reaches over to scratch behind her ears. Zach holds in a giggle.

“ _Stop laughing, it isn’t funny_.” Ryan laments over the phone. He sounds like death, and Zach is sure it has nothing to do with the quality of the speakers. “ _What did I_ do?”

“I don’t think Vegas weddings are that legally binding.” Zach tells him, placing the phone on the counter so that he can move around and make his own breakfast. Pesto whines at his feet, as dramatic as his owner, and Zach picks him up to put in Eugene’s lap. They make eye contact while Zach does so. “At least I think they’re not.”

He isn’t acquainted with Vegas customs, so it’s posed as a question. Eugene shrugs: _It depends_.

“ _I don’t even know where we got married_.” Ryan groans. “ _What Vegas church hands out fuckin’ diamond wedding rings_?”

This makes Eugene stumble once more, hands barely holding up his bowl with the amount of shaking his shoulders are doing from held in laughter. His reaction reminds Zach of what had triggered him to call Ryan in the first place and Zach scrambles to open his phone to show him the picture of the goddamn rock Ryan sent as a rather pleasant good morning text. It makes Eugene laugh harder.

“Monbelami.” he croaks, quietly, wary of the fact that Ryan doesn’t know he’s listening in. “Tell him to try the Monbelami chapel.”

“I searched it up– have you heard of the Monbelami chapel?” Zach tells Ryan, trying so hard to keep a straight face. On the other end of the line, Ryan sighs, exasperated. “Hey, I’m trying to be helpful.”

“ _Yeah, I know. I know_.” Ryan says after another sigh. “ _I’m sorry. Just– You know, this is not how I imagined it going_.”

“Your wedding or you asking him out?”

Eugene’s eyebrows shoot up, disappearing under his curly fringe. He didn’t know about this. Ryan and Shane’s weird will-they-won’t-they dance isn’t new to the entire Buzzfeed office, but suspecting and getting confirmation are two different things. Zach has known about the climate on Ryan’s side for a long time now. Eugene hasn’t. _Oops_. Zach puts a finger to his lips– _it’s a secret_. Eugene tilts his head side to side and concedes with minimal fuss, prompting Zach to sweep his nest of hair up and away from his face as a thank you.

“ _Most people go out to dinner first before getting married_.” Ryan says, glum. There’s a pause as he, Zach assumes, scrubs a hand up and down his face. “ _Zach, what do I do_?”

He sounds so lost, the laughter immediately dies in Zach’s throat. Exchanging a glance with Eugene, he picks the phone up and, bringing up to his mouth, sighs, “Ryan, why don’t you just talk to him?”

“ _It’s not that easy_.”

“Ryan.”

“ _He_ deflects _, Zach_!” Ryan protests, sounding just shy of a bit too hysterical. “ _He dodges everything left to right– you’ve met him, you know how he is_.”

Zach frowns as Eugene gets up to put his bowl in the sink. He grabs a squeaky toy on his way, shaking it in the direction of their excited puppies, and throws it toward the couch. Bowie and Pesto take off, leaving them alone in the kitchen with Karim napping still on the counter. A quick remedy to an over crowded kitchen. Zach raises an eyebrow.

“Honestly, you deflect more than he does.” He says, and Eugene nods enthusiastically in agreement. “Have you never noticed that he only calls _you_  ‘baby’?”

“ _That’s just something he does_.”

“There– see? Deflecting.”

“ _I– That’s– I am_ not.”

Zach scoffs, no sympathy whatsoever. “You are _too_.” he argues. “I would know. I used to do that.”

Eugene laughs, a sharp bark of mirth, as he wraps his arms around Zach’s waist and hooks his chin over his shoulder. Out of habit, Zach buries a hand in the thick of Eugene’s hair, marveling at how soft it is in all of its product-less glory and Eugene hums loudly, a human equivalent to a purr. 

“ _Oh, god, I heard that._ ” Ryan groans, the eye roll evident in his tone. “ _Eugene is there, isn’t he_?”

Eugene smirks. “Hi, Ryan.”

“ _Am I on loud speaker_?”

Zach pulls on Eugene’s hair to keep him from giving anything away but as revenge, Eugene lets out an exaggerated moan so loud, Karim wakes up just to meow indignantly at them. On the other side of the line, Ryan has a similar reaction, a sigh crackling through static to infer his distaste.

“ _Ok. I’m hanging up,_ ” he announces. He still sounds like death, and Zach feels a little bad for not giving him advice he can work with, but he figures Ryan isn’t stupid. Drunk Ryan is stupid, but Zach’s pretty sure sober Ryan is passable.

“Drink water,” Eugene sing songs.

“ _I’m hanging_ up _, Zach_.”

“Bye, Ryan.” Zach winces, slightly sorry. “I hope it works out.”

Ryan sighs. “ _Yeah. Me, too_.” And with that, the line goes dead.

Eugene noses at Zach’s neck. “I’m pretty sure they could bribe the minister to nullify the marriage.”

“It’s… complicated.” Zach shakes his head, running his fingers through Eugene’s hair one more time before disentangling them to continue putting together his own bowl of cereal. Eugene whines. “But, hey, if it does work out, it’s a story for the reception, right?”

“We never got a story like that at our reception.”

“We didn’t _attend_  our reception, dumb ass.” Zach throws a cheerio at him, and because he likes going above and beyond, Eugene catches it in his mouth. “You dragged me out of there the second you scored a bottle of champagne.”

His husband shrugs, unapologetic, before grabbing Zach’s hand and guiding it back to his hair in a silent demand to be pet. Zach rolls his eyes but humors him, anyway. “I swear, I married a cat.”

Eugene purrs, and the morning continues in relative silence.

**Author's Note:**

> so i like domestic!zagene. sue me. (this probably takes place in the same universe as my latest zagene ficlets).
> 
> idk if the Monbelami actually hands out diamond wedding rings. if they don’t, just imagine that maybe shane found it somewhere, proposed to ryan on a whim, and they just… went ahead and got married.
> 
> also: an anon left me an ask requesting something with zach, eugene, and a cat (coming soon). the cat is mentioned here (Karim– a name I will explain the origin of later). domestic!zagene with their fur children makes me very weak.


End file.
